Loss Of My Grandma...

As of last Friday the 23rd, my Grandma passed…..

I am writing this to help with my grieving, to inform you and to show my boys it’s okay to be vulnerable. As you know I also lost my mother 3.5 years ago, I didn’t think losing my GMA would be as hard but it’s come to be just as hard if not harder.

My GMA was my 2nd mother, she raised me just as much as my mother, as I go through this grieving process with the waves of emotions, I am recognizing I am down to one “parental” figure left, that is my GPA, whom just lost his wife of 40 years…

Words aren’t coming easy but it’s a feeling I hope none of you have to go through, I know my GMA lived a pretty good life and was 82 years old, I hope to make it to 82, however losing 2 of your 3 parents, knowing the 3rd won’t be around past the next 10 years is truly hard. Hard isn’t the right word, it’s downright demoralizing.

Her funeral is on Friday, which will be good, lunch will be at the same spot we did my mother’s. I worry for our boys, Lincoln broke down in a screaming cry at my Mother’s funeral, for them to have to go through two funerals before either reaches the age of 11, wasn’t on my fatherhood bingo card.

Which leads to a person, second guessing everything, am I good enough as a father? Husband? Business Owner? Friend? Just questions and emotions attacking me like crazy, add in the societal push of “be a man” “be strong” “show no weakness” has me all in my head.

So I write this not for sympathy or anything else but I am grieving and it’s okay to be vulnerable to those that are in your circle. Thank you all for being in my life and I truly appreciate supporting us in this grieving process.

I will come out of this stronger with a new perspective, it just may take longer than I want it too…

- Stoy